I’ve been told
that people in the army
do more by 7:00 am
than I do
in an entire day

but if I wake
at 6:59 am
and turn to you
to trace the outline of your lips
with mine
I will have done enough
and killed no one
in the process. 

i knew i was going to be judged.

i don’t believe in God

but if i did he would be the kind of God that wouldn’t forgive us until we forgave ourselves first.
he wouldn’t judge us according to all that we’ve done wrong, rather he would weigh our sins against the things we did right.
the people we helped rather than those we hurt.
the ones we were able to truly love rather than those that loved us.

there wouldn’t be any heaven or hell the way the Bible tells it, oh no.
heaven wouldn’t be fluffy clouds and rays of light and harps and hallelujahs.
after we die we would go back to that moment in our lives we can all remember where everything still made sense
before we finally felt the burdens of life
its obligations
its sorrows
its regrets
and stay there for as long as we wished.

in hell we would go back to the defining moment in our lives where we condemned ourselves (because some things are just unforgivable)
and we would get the chance to do it all over again (but only one)
because everyone deserves a second chance (even in death) no matter how many they were given in life

because sometimes we don’t realize things until it’s too late
and we know what we did wrong
and we’re sorry, we really are
and the God i would believe in would understand that

because this God would remember that he made us human
and that we’re no Jesus willing to die on the cross for strangers who nailed us up there
and that he gave us the stars to wish on for things we don’t need
and science to question religion
and dinosaur bones and cell phones 
guns and drugs and push-up bras

and hearts (but he never told us how to use them)

Sending in my application materials to Sophia today.

Tokyo, here I come.